Today is my birthday.
My 55th birthday.
My age now officially matches my status: retired.
After a whole 4 days of official quasi-retirement, I’m still struggling with this label. Since I didn’t really “retire”, (rather, I was “retired” – as in out to pasture), it feels disingenuous to describe myself as a retiree. It implies choice, of which I had none.
When you actually choose to retire, people throw you a party. There’s cake and balloons. You get to reflect on accomplishments and people say nice things about you. You may even get your own fun Powerpoint presentation (true at the last retirement party I went to!).
When retirement is thrust upon you, you just fade into the sunset. (Well, after a few drinks at happy hour with friends!) One day you just aren’t there anymore.
When you choose to retire, the typical plan is not to work anymore. And that’s not the case for me. Since I was 16, I’ve never not worked, and my 55 seems much too young to not go back to work. Quite honestly, since I’ve been home, I feel like I’m working harder than I did at work! But the pay sucks.
The retiree label makes me feel like I should be older than 55, and who wants that? In my brain, I’m stuck at 26 and I’m just not sure how I got to 55 already.
I don’t like the label very much at all. I’m a retirement fraud and so I declare that we should no longer use the term! I think I’ll use entrepreneur. Dreamer or princess. Maybe superhero (as suggested by one friend)… something a little more fun and interesting. Something that speaks of action and possibilities. I’m open to suggestions!
I certainly don’t want to imply that I’m bitter or resentful about the whole thing. I’m not. Disappointed by how and why it was done? Yes. Disappointed by people I thought would reach out and didn’t? Yes. But disappointment is about the only negative emotion I can muster about the whole thing. I just feel to young, too healthy and too ambitious to be here.
But it’s only temporary.
IMDb: The Retiree (2015)