Wish You Were Here

Dear Mom,

I wish you were here. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you a hundred times. I miss our daily conversations. You were the best listener and were always interested in my stories, always asking questions, wanting to know more. Our conversations always just flowed, and I miss them. I think of you every day I drive to work when I remember that I can’t call you for our morning chat. Or when I try a new recipe or see the doctor or accomplish something at work. When I see an old friend or go on vacation. Always stories I want to share with you.

I wish you were here. Ethan has passed us all out in height and continues to be a kind and gentle soul. He loved you so and he remembers you in his prayers.  He does his best to keep Grandpa company after school, although I don’t think they chat the way you and he did. You were Ethan’s confidante as well; he trusted you with all his secrets.

I wish you were here. We have carried on with each sunrise and each sunset, but it’s not the same. Your house looks exactly the same, with your crafts in the same piles that you left them in a year ago, but it’s not the same. We miss your presence at concerts and holidays and family game night. We miss your cookies, your voice, your laughter. We miss you telling us to “be careful” and “call when you get there”. We miss your love — always selfless and unconditional.

I can’t believe a year has gone by already. The day you died is so clear, as if it happened yesterday. I know you are near. I feel your presence and your love. But I wish you were here.

Until we meet again,
Michele

 

IMDb: Wish You Were Here (2012)

Tidbits of Travel

A year ago this weekend, I was in sunny California with my friend, Marian, attending one of the McDougall Advance Study weekends. We learned so much in that weekend!  We had spectacular weather, 70s and sunny, and for the first time ever, I lost weight at a conference… because the food was SO good and oh so healthy!  All our food for the weekend followed the McDougall Plan (starches plus fruits and veggies… no added oil).

I had grand plans of blogging about everything we learned, but Life threw me a curve ball and I never quite got to everything. So on this anniversary of sorts, I thought I’d share some of the random tidbits, on a variety of topics, that we learned over that weekend…in no particular order.

• Blood pressure meds do not improve mortality (because the underlying conditions causing the elevated bp still exist).
• There is no difference in mortality between women who have mammograms and women who do not.
• Animal protein contributes to heart disease and we’ve known this since 1905. We’ve been blaming the fat, but animal protein is more significant.
• The minimum requirement of protein is 6-7%, the recommended daily allowance (optimal) is 8-9%. The average American eats 17-18% protein. The excess protein contributes to a variety of health issues. (Note: I think this means 6-7% of calories but it’s not explicit in my notes. Regardless, the point is that we eat much more protein than we need.)
• The #3 killer in the US is actually medicine (adverse Rx reactions, deaths due to medical care, additional illnesses when hospitalized, etc.). You won’t see this listed by the CDC, however.
• Moderate exercise leads to a 25-50% reduction in sick days.
• Gargling with warm salt water 30 seconds per day is most effective for preventing upper respiratory tract infections.
• The USDA won’t call eggs “healthy”… or safe or nutritious.
• Erectile Dysfunction is a blood flow issue.  ED also means “Early Death”.
• Cancer needs methionine to grow. Chicken and fish are the worse sources; vegan diets restrict methionine.
• A single serving of cruciferous veggies each day cuts your risk of breast cancer in half. And your recurrence risk drops from 16% to 4%.
• There’s a direct link between chicken and UTIs. Doesn’t matter how well you cook it.
• Top 12 diseases we seek medical care for can all be prevented by diet.
• Our health is in our control… in our feet (exercise), forks (food) and fingers (smoking).
• “The solution to pollution is dilution.” Always wash your produce.
• Avoid all oils – they damage the endothelial cells (which contributes to heart disease).
• Present day cardiology doesn’t cure patients.
• We spend too much time focusing on individual nutrients (taking supplements, etc.) but it’s more about the countless interactions of all those nutrients in the food. Multi vitamins and other singular vitamins are damaging, and fish oils are worthless.
• We can expect long term implications of GMOs – They are changing one gene without regard to all the others.
• For onions and garlic, they are fresher if they have fewer outer layers. The more layers, the older the onion.
• Don’t eat potatoes with sprouts. Ok to eat onions and garlic with sprouts.
• 90% of successful weight losers never miss breakfast, and they weigh themselves frequently.
• There’s only one chronic illness:  poor nutrition.  What you remove from your diet is important.
• Nutrition is more important than exercise.
• Minimize nuts and avocados if trying to lose weight.
• The Dietary Guidelines are published every 5 years.  In 2010, plant based diets were touted.
• 80% of the antibiotics in the USA are used on animals.
• Meat consumption doubled in the last century to about 200 pounds annually per person.
• USDA has a huge conflict of interest.  On one hand they set the guidelines for what people should eat. On the other hand, they are responsible for increasing the consumption of meat, dairy and eggs.  So how can they tell you “don’t eat meat” when their job is to get you to eat more meat…?
• All diets work, to some degree.  They may all help you lose weight, but it’s because they put your body into ketosis. So you may lose weight in the short term, but in the long term, it’s damaging your body.
• “People love to hear good news about their bad habits.”
• Once you damage the brain, it cannot be repaired. (Aluminum poisoning, pesticide poisoning, etc.)

Additional resources:

• Read “Meatonomics”… the author, David Simon, spoke and there is just way too much to include here!
• National Weight Loss Registry examines behaviors of successful “losers”. (If you are at least 18 years of age and have maintained at least a 30 pound weight loss for one year or longer you may be eligible to join this registry.)
• PubMed.gov is a great place to research any health topic.

*****

IMDb: Tidbits of Travel (1918)

Goulash

One of my favorite dishes that my mom always made was affectionately called “hot dog goulash”. I truly don’t know of anyone else who ever made it. It was a dish my grandmother used to make, and then my mom always made it. She and I were the only ones who really liked it (plus cousin Stephanie), and it was always a special treat that we shared together.

The dish started with hot dogs, chopped into chunks, and sautéed in oil. (Sounds healthy already, doesn’t it?) Then she would throw in some chopped onions to cook for a bit, and then a can of diced tomatoes, a bit of water and some diced potatoes. It was cooked until potatoes were tender.

I’m sure it doesn’t sound like much, but it was “our” dish. Every now and then, Mom would get a hankering for it, and she would always call me to have some with her. Great memories and great comfort food. I miss those days.

So what’s a girl to do when she doesn’t eat hot dogs anymore?

Enter: Forks Over Knives’ White Bean, Kale and Potato Stew

I may have posted this recipe before, but tonight as I was cooking the stew, I looked into the pot and it reminded me of my hot dog goulash. Minus the hot dogs, of course. Onions, tomatoes, potatoes… (visualize the hot dogs in here, and you’ve got it!)

Add some kale (or in my case, spinach), some cannellini beans, and some seasonings, and it’s perfection!  One of our favorite stews and now I know why… It reminds me of our special comfort food!

*****

For my local peeps… a great new restaurant to check out: Terra Preta in Scranton.  (Well, I don’t know how “new” it is…) I went there with a friend for lunch today. They offer a mix of options, but I was thrilled with the variety of vegan options. And they are all about “farm to table” foods. I couldn’t decide between the rice & veggie bowl, the veggie & quinoa burger, or the vegan veggie flatbread with cashew cheese.  I opted for the latter and a cup of sweet pea soup. Mmmmm.  Must go back to try to rest!

*****

IMDb: Goulash (2008)

May Cause Memory Loss

We’ve all done it.  Opened the fridge to look for something, only to remember you meant to go to the pantry. Or walked into a room and stood there looking around, wondering why you went in there in the first place. We all have a lot on our minds and all those cluttered thoughts mess us up once in a while.

I’ve mentioned in prior posts how I suffer from “chemo brain“… a very real “mental fog” and a side effect from chemotherapy. I thought it would get better over time (they say it does get better over time, but they don’t say how long it takes). But this week really made me think I was losing my mind. I’ve managed to laugh about it, but I’ll admit I scare myself sometimes.

Let’s start with Tuesday…. My son had an orthodontist appointment in the afternoon, so I worked from home. While home, I looked up the new address of the orthodontist to confirm her new location. I knew she moved, and I was excited about the prospect of better parking and an easier drive to the office.  However, after picking Ethan up at school, I drove to the city… parallel parked the car… put money in the meter… walked to the office building… and took the elevator to the 9th floor… It wasn’t until the doors opened and I saw the empty office that it occurred to me I was in the wrong place. I felt like such an idiot!! To top it off, going from the city to the new office, I missed my exit and had to go one more exit and turn around. (The good news? We were only 4 minutes late!)

On to Wednesday… I got home and was getting ready to cook dinner. I knew it was Wednesday, since Ethan had piano lessons. But I looked at my menu plan and decided to instead cook what was on Thursday’s menu. Not sure why, but my brain suddenly decided upon reading that word that it WAS Thursday and panicked that I missed yoga. I totally freaked myself out! I caught myself fairly quickly, but geesh, I felt like a nut.

And lastly, today… I was leaving for work and grabbed my purse, lunch bag, etc. to go to the garage. As I exited the house, I stopped and thought “I feel like I’m forgetting something.” I look at my bags… “no”, says the brain… “you have everything. Carry on.” And so I drove to work, on lovely snowy roads, only to discover I left my laptop home. This is the heaviest thing I carry… You think I would have missed it.  So it was back up the mountain, in the snow, and back to work. It only wasted an hour of my day. *sigh*

I’ve tried a number of herbal remedies for my memory, as well as essential oils. I’m thinking it’s time to try out Lumosity or something! For those of you who are also fighting chemo brain, has anything worked for you? I’m ready to try just about anything!  (Luckily it isn’t wide spread…but it happens enough that I need a number of defense mechanisms like Post it notes, voicemail / email messages to myself, and asking others to remind me of stuff!)

IMDb: May Cause Memory Loss (2013)

Flat Out

I read this article today by Melanie Testa, a breast cancer survivor who, like me, opted to have both breasts removed and to NOT have reconstruction. Her article really touches on how unusual it is for women to just go the route of a flat chest, and how people think you’re nuts if you do. In Melanie’s case, they went so far as to make her have a psychological examination after she indicated that she did not want reconstruction. I personally think the decision NOT to is the sane, rational decision.

I am glad that I didn’t experience that judgmental attitude from my doctors. Sure, they asked, and sure they remind me it’s always an option, but they have been great.

Initially, the plan was to remove only my right breast.  However, the more I pondered the whole situation, the thought of a) a recurrence in my left breast, and b) having a uni-boob, did not thrill me. When I asked my gynecologist about removing both, he was understanding and supportive, and he agreed it was probably the right decision. No psychiatric evaluations for me!

Maybe it’s because I was 50 years old, or because it was my second diagnosis with cancer, but it seemed totally illogical to me to go through all that extra time, energy, money, surgery, risk, etc. just to have breasts that would serve absolutely no purpose. Truly cosmetic only. Most people have no idea what’s involved in the process to reconstruct. I know a number of women who have struggled with infections, rejections, pain, and repeated surgeries. Every time I read one of those stories, I am grateful for my own decision.

My identity doesn’t come from my breasts and, quite honestly, at the time of diagnosis, all I wanted was the cancer OUT. I wanted to heal and get strong and move on with my life. I couldn’t even imagine having to go back to have the expanders filled a little at a time and then to have surgery again. Or even to have to wear prosthetics every day.  What a pain!  And for what? For whom?

In the end, I have no regrets. I was really happy to read an article by someone else who went against the grain and chose to just accept herself as is.  (And for the record, it is very freeing!)

*****

I finally got around to trying Buffalo Cauliflower Wings. There are a number of different recipes online, but this one involved making a batter, baking the wings, and then coating them with the buffalo sauce before finishing the baking. I made these for lunch and they were devoured. All three of us enjoyed them!

I used almond milk and whole wheat flour. I did use the butter, but I would totally eliminate next time.  I don’t think it was necessary.  I also doubled the recipe and used two heads of cauliflower. Totally delicious and I am glad to have found the taste in something vegetarian. I will definitely be making these again!  (Don’t they even look like wings???)  :)

*****

IMDb: Flat Out (1999)

Magic Kitchen

After spending the last five hours in the kitchen, it seems an appropriate post to talk about some of the latest recipes I’ve tried.

Since we have a three day weekend (yea!), I pre-made the Oh She Glows “Maple-Cinnamon Apple & Pear Baked Oatmeal”.  We’ll have that for breakfast tomorrow morning, plus it will give me some leftovers for Ethan’s breakfast for the week.

Today, I also made the Oh She Glows “Our Favorite Veggie Burger”. This took some prep work (grating carrots, chopping onions and cilantro, mashing black beans), but overall wasn’t too time-consuming. I served these on whole grain rolls with grey poupon mustard. You can add cheese, if desired, and all the usual burger toppings.  David and I enjoyed these burgers, but Ethan wasn’t a huge fan. He doesn’t care for “seeds” (sunflower) or onions… He did eat most of it, but the dog enjoyed the remainder. The batch made 8, so we have some for lunch tomorrow. (Won’t Ethan be happy?)

With the burgers, I made a new recipe for “French fries“. With no oil.  The trick is to partially boil the potatoes first, and then bake with some seasonings.  Everyone enjoyed these super healthy “fries”! I might mix up the seasonings a bit next time (a little less paprika, a little more kick).

Last week, I also made three new recipes:

Smoky Lentil Soup was a recipe I found on the blog, Plant Based Christian. This was a yummy soup, and the best part was the simplicity of preparation. Eight ingredients (if you count the water), thrown into my Instant Pot.  Turn on for 15 minutes. It counted get any easier.

Oh She Glows “Indian Lentil-Cauliflower Soup“. This was a big hit… except for the fact that David doesn’t like sweet potatoes. I didn’t think they were too strong/sweet based on the way they cooked in the recipe, but he noticed.  Ethan is a fan of curry and I loved everything in this recipe: red lentils (my favorite kind), cauliflower, spinach, fresh ginger…).

Oh She Glows “Tex Mex Casserole“. Everyone loved this one!  No complaints and definitely something to add to the rotation.  This dish has loads of vegetables and it’s the first time I tried out some vegan cheese (Daiya). Melted within the dish, you would never even know. I opted for spinach over kale, as always.

I also made the vegan Chocolate Peanut Butter Mousse Torte that we all love. I took this to work once to rave reviews by everyone! As a reminder, I replaced the tofu with coconut milk vanilla yogurt. I think I’ll go have some now…  :)

*****

IMDb: Magic Kitchen (2004)

Laugh at My Pain

Three times this week I ended up in conversations about pain.  How we got onto the topic is unimportant (although admittedly three times in one week is odd), but in all three cases I found myself recounting my sentinel node biopsy pre-work experience.

While it’s been more than two years since I had this procedure done, the excruciating pain is forever etched in my memory. Worse than childbirth, you may ask?  Light years worse.

When a woman is having a mastectomy, the doctors want to look at your lymph nodes for cancer invasion. In the “olden days”, they would just remove all of your nodes to be safe. But since lymph nodes are sort of important, removing them all causes a lifetime of side effects. So they do try to remove the least number of nodes possible. To do this, they need to find the “sentinel” (or lead) node.

Finding the sentinel node requires a procedure whereby a radioactive material is injected near the tumor (that is IN YOUR BREAST) The lymph nodes then absorb (for lack of a better word) this material,  presumably to take out the trash.

Once they inject you, they use a gamma detector to find the first node that “lights up” with the radiation.  That would be the sentinel node. They then mark you with a tattoo of sorts so the surgeon knows which node(s) to remove. They start with the sentinel, and if it’s clean (no cancer), then they stop. If they find cancer, they will move to the next nearest nodes and continue the process until they find the clean nodes.  And then they stop.  The intent is to remove the least number of lymph nodes possible, while removing all the cancer.

Doesn’t sound so bad, doesn’t it?

Let me circle back to the radioactive material being injected…  My injections were referred to as “bee stings” by the tech.  Radioactive bee stings, that is.  Radioactive bee stings around your nipple…. Can’t wait.

The tech warned me that it would hurt (bad), and even went so far as to say some women scream, so I shouldn’t feel bad if I do so.  Shit. Ok. I’m ready.  Injection #1. No screaming, but my eyes tear up instantly and I am crying from the pain. It was truly THE most intense burning pain I have ever felt. I think this would make a good torture technique somewhere (maybe it is?).

The tech was very comforting, telling me he could wait a while before the remaining shots. I tell him no way… do them all.  Now.  And do it fast. The injections create big welts, and the pain “only” lasts about 15-30 seconds (each), but the intensity of the pain is unbearable. After it’s all over, the tech tells me that some women pass out from the pain, some refuse to continue. I understand.

All I have to say is, if men had to go through this, they would have come up with a better way!! Drugs, for example, would have been very helpful. Or even better, how about anesthesia? Knock us out first! Totally barbaric to do it any other way.

And that is my pain story. (Although the guy who told the story of getting hit in the face with a tree also had a compelling story.)

*****

It took me a few days to think about this, but I was reflecting on my salt lamp post…  Is it any coincidence that no heavy metals showed up in the biofeedback scan after I started using the salt lamps at work and at home…? Hmmmm….

*****

Look for some new recipes in my next post!

*****

IMDb: Laugh at My Pain (2011)