Today was another big step for me in terms of bravery. I decided to go out into the world with NO SCARF! With my hair starting to come in (it’s maybe 1/2″ long), the scarves were starting to be hot and itchy. I didn’t think I was ready when I discussed this with the infamous Leann just yesterday, but when I woke up this morning, I thought “what the hell?”
I first ran it by Ethan. He’s very insightful for an 11-year old and he thought I should definitely go without the scarf. He said “I think you will get a lot of compliments from people who think you are brave to do this.” Awwwww. And then I ran it by David who first said it looked “fine”. (Women, don’t we just hate being told we look fine…?) He then proceeded to say that I looked like Robin Roberts. I thought this was a huge compliment (since I think Robin is simply elegant and stunning)…until he said that he doesn’t find her attractive in the least. Oops. There was some back peddling on that one! He didn’t mean it like it sounded. Hmmm…
Anyway, my first big step was Dunkin’ Donuts. I was on my way to meet some coworkers to carpool to our team offsite in NY, so I offered to do the coffee run. I dropped Ethan off at school and then made my way to DD. The line for the drive thru was quite long at that time of the morning, and I thought it would be faster to go inside. It was interesting that people seemed so much nicer when they saw me (one man even offered to carry my goods to the car, which I politely declined). I clearly look like a former chemo patient but no one seemed to gape or be taken aback, so I took that as a good sign to move forward.
My second step was my carpool. Actually, no one said a word at first and I didn’t know if that meant they were uncomfortable bringing it up, or truly didn’t notice or care. So after we got settled in the car, I took a poll and it was unanimous that I should continue to go uncovered.
There is a scar on the back of my head that isn’t quite covered up, and there’s a bit of a white spot in back there. I was a little self-conscious about that, but I got over it quickly.
The final step was arriving at the offsite. There were about 80 people in attendance (I figured better to start small with this group of 80 before arriving at the office with 900 or so people). And I was really pleasantly surprised. People were wonderfully supportive and a few people even rubbed my head to feel the soft “virgin” hair. (It really is quite soft and fuzzy!) I actually felt pretty comfortable and confident standing in front of the group and made a joke at my own expense just to illustrate that I was ok with the whole thing. (After being introduced as the next speaker by a coworker, I kidded that I could have been introduced as Sinead O’Connor, or maybe the Dalia Lama even.) 🙂
So another brave step for me, and another successful outcome. I’m glad to move on to the next step in the process of feeling normal again. Plus, I now have one less accessory to try to match when I get ready in the morning. This opens up my wardrobe options a great deal!
My whole life, I been sort of a nut about making sure I always had bangs. I always hated my forehead and was uncomfortable if my hair got blown to the side and my forehead somehow got uncovered. Now, I’m just happy to have hair! So here I am, going out in public, with not only no bangs, but not much of anything. And I’m actually ok with it. I’m not sure if that’s perspective, maturity, or something else, but it actually feels good. And I feel like I can be role model, in a way, to other people who are going through something similar.
Thanks to my coworkers for making me feel so comfortable and for such a fun day of team building!!
Tomorrow, on to the office and a whole new level of exposure! 🙂