The Crying Game

I didn’t cry when I found out I had breast cancer.

I didn’t even cry when they removed my breasts.

But today, I cried.  My hair has started falling out.

I knew it would happen.  I wasn’t in denial at all.  And given how fine and thin my hair is, I kind of expected it to leave me sooner rather than later.  But now that it’s here, it’s very traumatic.  It started when I was combing my hair out after getting out of the shower.  Clumps and clumps of hair kept coming out.  And then more when I brushed it during drying.  All day today, I found remnants of my hair on my clothes, on my desk, on my computer…

I didn’t cry right away.  It took me the whole day of thinking about it before it really got to me.  I had a dilemma to solve first.  I wanted my personal stylist to cut the bangs on my wig, and she is on vacation until next week.  But I am going away for the weekend, and have to present at a work offsite meeting next week, so I wanted to look presentable.  I certainly didn’t want to present in front of 75 people with clumpy, thin hair.  But did I mention my stylist is on vacation??  (I knew I should have done it before she left…Thanks to the PA who told me 3-4 weeks…)  Anyway.

So I called That Special Woman, where I got my wig, and they were able to give me an appointment for tomorrow.  They will cut/shave my hair (whatever I want), and then will trim the bangs on my wig.  I sure they’re good.  🙂  There’s just no way I can wait until next week without always worrying when it would just fall off my head.

It wasn’t until I was telling my friend about the appointment that I started to lose it.  Thankfully, two friends will be going with me for the appointment tomorrow.  It’s so nice to have someone to hold your hand!  So tomorrow’s the day.  I’m not ready yet, but I will be.  And tonight, I just need to grieve.

In the meantime, I did have my blood work today and all was good.  Everything was right in line.  All set for next week’s round two.


17 thoughts on “The Crying Game

  1. Hello, just wanted to leave a comment that I am thinking of u and enjoying your blog ..and Im sure you will shine beautifully inside and out next week 🙂

  2. You can count on me to come with you if you want a third line of support. Honey, I wish I could hug you right now. Call me if you want me to come with you too. Love you, Tina

  3. That’s a tough one. I remember waking up one morning…hair all over my pillow and I looked over at John..asleep…with blonde hair on his face. Ughhh…I know…knot in pit of stomach. It was difficult to do, but once I did it, it was so much better. I had a friend come over, shave my head in the kitchen at my table…swept it up and that was it. Once it was entirely gone it was acutally easier and my wig fit better and was more comfortable on my bald head. Once my treatments were over it started to grow back pretty quickly. It came back fairly thick and kinda wavy. I still have my waves fourteen years later. I know this is a hard thing to deal with but it will get better…and after those treatments are over….your lovely locks will return. xoxoxo

  4. Oh Michele, I cant imagine how that felt. I wish I was there to give you some words of encouragement in person & just a great big TEXAN hug. I am so thankful that you have a wonderful network of close family & friends there to catch you when you fall & to help you remember that you are fighting this fight!! You have this cancer, BUT it doesn’t have you my sweet Cousin! Havent you heard…Bald is the the new beautiful!! Praise God for good reports today. Happy bday to your momma. So goodbye to your hair & hello to what new journey God has placed before you! I love you!! Don’t forget it :). Xoxo
    Call me anytime!!

  5. Do you realize that you are beautiful not because of your hair but because of your heart? Chin up, your stylist will have your hair all “did”. ❤

  6. So today we cried. There was a good reason for it. Listen we go through our lives each day worrying about doing our hair. Is it going to be a good hair day or a bad hair day. The thought of losing your hair would make anyone cry. This too my friend we will overcome. Tomorrow we will get through this experience together. We”ll be right by your side. Have I told you lately how proud I am of you and how amazing your are? Well you are truly amazing and have gone through this “kicking cancers butt” in such an inspiring way. Listen we are going to have to cry some days in order to get through this. The good news is there is nothing you will have to do alone….I’ve got your back friend!!!! Love ya!!!!

  7. Michele, hugs girl! Many memories came flooding to my mind as I read your words. I remember when my dad lost his hair. It was on Spencer’s birthday and he was worried everyone was going to see it. He brought me inside to see if I could see it or what I could do with it. As he reached up to pull a clump out, I told him to keep his hat on for the day and don’t worry, he looked awesome! I have to say, my heart sank. I can only imagine how yours did as you realized your own hair was coming out. Unfortunately, it is part of this whole icky process. Know that prayers are coming your way in hopes that things will begin to look better and soon you’ll be sporting your new wig and look and feeling great about yourself.
    Have I mentioned lately how awesome I think you are and how well you are doing. I think it is so healthy of you to be able to type these words to all of us and let us know your deepest, darkest thoughts.

  8. Crying with you! Wish I could give you a BIG ((HUG)) right now! Love all the comments above!
    Michele – you will be beautiful with your wig, with your hats and without your hair! Beauty is too deep inside you not to shine through!

  9. Michele,

    I have been reading your blog and I want you to know that I cry with you, laugh with you and pray with you – you are an extremely strong woman and have gone through so much in your life and have come out shining – you will shine again this time — your hair and breasts are just superficial and are not part of the beautiful woman that I know – the woman I know is kind, gentle, A+ mom, a+ aunt, a+ daughter ,sister and wife – so cry tomorrow for your loss – put on that wig (which I am
    sure looks beautiful) and look forward to tomorrow. Please also wish Mom a very happy birthday for me!


  10. I’m so sorry you are going through this right now. It is so traumatic. For me, it was the worst part of the whole ordeal. My thoughts are very much with you as you find your way through this threshold. Sending love.

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